This type of rhetoric is damaging in its own right. Referring to the bill, DeSantis’s spokesperson Christina Pushaw tweeted, “If you’re against the Anti-Grooming Bill, you are probably a groomer or at least you don’t denounce the grooming of 4-8 year old children.” A pastor even organized an “anti-grooming” rally at Disney’s headquarters in California. Versions of the measure have been proposed in at least a dozen other states. In March, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed what critics have dubbed the “ Don’t Say Gay” bill, a measure that discourages teachers from discussing gender identity or sexual orientation in classrooms. The grooming charges lump together concerns that kids are being introduced too early to sexually explicit material, to the existence of transgender people, and to non-heterosexual sexual orientations. Some Republicans have even accused Democrats of being pedophiles themselves. As in, grooming them to be abused by pedophiles. If you ask some ( okay, many) conservative pundits, Democrats are “ grooming” children.
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That is how a trait-based fetish can make someone’s life harder. I think the main thing to be cautious of when you have an intense sexual interest (that many would refer to as a “type”) is that you may focus on the traits that excite you (a big dick, blond hair, dark skin) to the extent that you ignore the person they are attached to. It has little practical possibility of becoming a reality, and you aren’t really pursuing what practical possibility it does have (i.e., in the MMF threesomes that are difficult to set up and underwhelming to you, at any rate). In the realm of thoughts and fantasies, your interest in gay male sex is benign. When they become problems is when they manifest as potential harm to others, like in the case of someone determined to act out their abusive fantasies. Desires and fantasies are, for many of us, largely out of our control and, in their raw, immaterial form, innocuous. There is nothing positive about shaming a client for her desires, no matter how they deviate from the generic script of pro-social conduct pushed by supposedly well-intentioned people. It is chilling that someone who behaved that way has ostensibly devoted her life to service. The scare quotes around “sex-positive” to describe that therapist are apt. |
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